My precious!
I have been going through some very heavy, kick you in the face hard core emotional bull shit as of late. It has been years in the making. The unraveling has been ugly and painful and has drug my children through shit they should never have had to endure. I am in the process of letting that guilt go.
Technology has been a beautiful distraction. It has also been a beautiful disaster. I have been doing my best to refocus my emotions. Gaining control of them is key to picking myself up and getting my ass back in the game of life. I'm so tired of wearing my heart of my sleeve. Letting people fuck with me, pulling me this way and that. I am working so hard to gain the back bone I had in my early 20's. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to become who I once was, rather who I am meant to be.
I am meant to be happy as are all of you. There is not a single person who was not meant to openly give and receive love. I am not talking about the love between life partners, but love in general. The love you have for the feeling you get when the sun shines upon your face on an early spring day. The wind blowing through your hair. The scent of freshness in the air. I am talking about the love you feel when your lay eyes on your child for the first time. Hear that beautiful cry break the silence (trust me that shit will not sound beautiful for long). The feeling you get when you hit the open road with your friends for a weekend road trip. Also, don't you LOVE the feeling you get when opening that brand new chilled bottle of wine on what seems like the longest, most treacherous day ever!
Yeah it's like that. Best ever. Love is patient, love is kind. Don't push the shit. Just let go and love those around you. Open yourself up and let yourself BE loved. Don't push just be aware.
I am trying to live my life in love. Not in love with a single person. I want to be in love with every person. With every thing. I wake up in the morning and I try to break the habit of being myself. Instead of thinking about all the bullshit I am dealing with I focus on the positives and learn from the negatives. I look for the good things in life that are so easily overlooked when push comes to shove. Since I feel lately like I've been shoved off a fucking cliff....This is a very good thing for me to focus on. I have been trying to step away from technology. (not you IBOLers!! Never!!!) Stepping away from sitting and zoning out on some meaningless television show. I try to avoid mind wasters. I try to engage in conversation. Really pay attention when spending my time because time is the MOST valuable thing in life. It really in precious.
Technology has been a beautiful distraction. It has also been a beautiful disaster. I have been doing my best to refocus my emotions. Gaining control of them is key to picking myself up and getting my ass back in the game of life. I'm so tired of wearing my heart of my sleeve. Letting people fuck with me, pulling me this way and that. I am working so hard to gain the back bone I had in my early 20's. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to become who I once was, rather who I am meant to be.
I am meant to be happy as are all of you. There is not a single person who was not meant to openly give and receive love. I am not talking about the love between life partners, but love in general. The love you have for the feeling you get when the sun shines upon your face on an early spring day. The wind blowing through your hair. The scent of freshness in the air. I am talking about the love you feel when your lay eyes on your child for the first time. Hear that beautiful cry break the silence (trust me that shit will not sound beautiful for long). The feeling you get when you hit the open road with your friends for a weekend road trip. Also, don't you LOVE the feeling you get when opening that brand new chilled bottle of wine on what seems like the longest, most treacherous day ever!
Yeah it's like that. Best ever. Love is patient, love is kind. Don't push the shit. Just let go and love those around you. Open yourself up and let yourself BE loved. Don't push just be aware.
I am trying to live my life in love. Not in love with a single person. I want to be in love with every person. With every thing. I wake up in the morning and I try to break the habit of being myself. Instead of thinking about all the bullshit I am dealing with I focus on the positives and learn from the negatives. I look for the good things in life that are so easily overlooked when push comes to shove. Since I feel lately like I've been shoved off a fucking cliff....This is a very good thing for me to focus on. I have been trying to step away from technology. (not you IBOLers!! Never!!!) Stepping away from sitting and zoning out on some meaningless television show. I try to avoid mind wasters. I try to engage in conversation. Really pay attention when spending my time because time is the MOST valuable thing in life. It really in precious.
This reminds me of the importance of "living in the moment." So much time is truly wasted dwelling on past mistakes and future worries! It seems that you are FOCUSED & you know exactly which direction you want to go! Great read! Thanks for sharing with Blogdiggity!
ReplyDeleteI do my very best to stay in this mind set. With all the things in the world pulling me this way and that...it gets rough. I try to make myself remember that the only constant in life is change and life will just keep moving so you best just get your ass in gear and live it!
DeleteI've begun to feel the same way as I've gotten older. As we leave behind bad situations we have a new understand about life and whats important.
ReplyDeleteYes! I wouldn't relive my twenties if you paid me!
DeleteA great reminder to appreciate the "little things" and just learn to love the things we have! Thanks so much for sharing this on #BlogDiggity today!
ReplyDelete