All in

I have been making some major changes in the house of IBOL. It has been a year of change and exploration. I have had up and downs, but over all I am in a good place. I still have days when the walls seem like they are closing in and sometimes there are too many hours in the day. Still other days there are not enough hours in the day. I feel like I could use a few more hands to juggle all the balls I have in the air, but I like my life for the most part. 

I try to live in the present. I try to learn from my past and move on. 

I am trying to live a more focused life. I don't want to just float through. I want my kids to see that you can do anything you set your mind to. The problem is lately I feel like I am just missing out on them growing up. I feel like I spend so much of my time away from them trying to attain my goals that I don't get to be with them like I want to be. Then when I am with them I am stressed out and all we do is fight. 

I keep telling myself that it will not be forever. As long as I stay dedicated now I will have all the time in the world with them after school is done. 

I think I need to refocus. I need to be all in when I am with them instead of physically with them, but always thinking about what I might be forgetting to do. I am going to reread Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It always helps me to refocus. 

I am sorry if my blogs have been boring as of late. I am just trying to keep writing. It helps me get through when I am lonely and stressed the fuck out. Al