I hope my log in still works...

So I have been MIA for quite some time. Sorry. There has been some changing going on in the world of IBOL. If you follow my FB page you probably have gathered that a lot has happened in my life since I last blogged about it. I guess life tends to happen when we aren't paying attention. I will do my best not to bore you to tears by recounting every excruciating detail. I'll just give ya the gist.

I will start with the biggest change first because I was gonna do it last, but it kind of started all the other transformation so here goes...

My husband and I separated last December. The 7th of December actually. Which I find ironic because that's also been deemed "a day that will live in infamy" by some president that I don't remember because it was some war thing that got a bunch of people killed. Maybe Pearl Harbor...or was it Normandy...My grandfather would kill me for not goggling it and getting my facts straight. shit damn hell.

Anyway it will live in infamy for me as well, but for different reasons. Obviously because I don't remember the other ones...not that the other reasons aren't important...awww fuck it...I am going to google the shit right now...

PEARL HARBOR!!! It was Pearl Harbor...My grandfather would totally kill me! He was at that mother fucker!! Here I even brought you guys a LINK!!

Ok now back to what I was saying...

Life after the separation went uphill really, really fast and then crashed like a bag of fucking rocks all over again. Life is not always a highway Tom Cochrane I'm just sayin'. Sometimes there is a brick wall on that fucking highway that you crash into head first over and over and over again because you can't make mistakes just one time you have to makes them 73 fucking times so you are FOR SURE that you know better the 74th time.

I decided to start trying to figure out how to love myself and all that stuff. It worked. I tried to stop bitching and being negative about everything. It worked also...for the most part.

I started taking advice that an ex boyfriend turned friend had been giving me for a VERY long time. (see I fucking listen...eventually...check with the brick wall from the last paragraph if you don't believe me).

I have started getting healthy inside and out. (I have lost nearly 60 mutha fuckin pounds ya'll what what!!) He also said no more Adele. This is GOOD advice! Every time I think of something negative I now make myself think of two things that are positive. This was hard at first, but it got better. It also got better when i stopped regretting breaking up with my ex boyfriend turned friend and stopped kicking my ass over it.

I learned a lot from him. He helped me find a path to make all these amazing changes happen in my life. But sometimes it is just time to let it fucking go. This is that time for me. I had to let him go. It is part of me getting healthy. It was one of the toughest things I have ever done. Like EVER. I felt like I was addicted to him. It was horrible.

I also figured out that talking a bunch of shit to myself about how much I suck and will never be able to make it on my own will do nothing, but make DAMN sure that shit happens. FUCK THAT! I have shit to do in this life that doesn't include being fat and lazy and depressed anymore!!

So what I am figuring out is that I need time. I deserve time. I have buried some seriously emotional shit over the years and I need to spend time getting right with it so that I never have to hurt over it again. I will be getting to know myself and letting myself grow. So far it has been fun and it has been fucking hard, but it has ALL been worth it!

I am thinking I should probably start a new blog or change the name of this one. This isn't really following suit with the world of IBOL anymore. What do you guys think? Should I keep writing here or start over somewhere else?